The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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