Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
