My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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