Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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