Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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