I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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