a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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