Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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