I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
