i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
