god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
