Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
