i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
