How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
