...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
