He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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