Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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