This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
