My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
