I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
