Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
