Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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