i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize