I wish I could punch you in the face.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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