His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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