On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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