Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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