the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
