they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
