Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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