I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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