So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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