When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
