i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
