I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
