I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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