Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
