If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
