Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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