Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize