I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
