I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
