I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
