She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
