im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize