come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
