Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
