bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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