My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
high people should be assigned attendants
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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