You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
