I wish I could punch you in the face.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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