Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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