**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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