soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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