I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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