is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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