Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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