I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
