she woke up with a sticky ear
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
