i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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