Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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