Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize