I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
