so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
