just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
