you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
