:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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