you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
